Of Ali's life.

I thought I had solved my major change problem.
I figured...bump down to 13 credit hours, with no friday classes, and i'd be fine.
wrong.
i'm really beyond sick...have been since sunday night...but the past few days have made me decide....
I'm out of here the first chance I get.
or rather, out of this major.
but now i'm mad at myself.
I only wish I'd have known this would happen sooner.
because had i known i wouldn't be happy studying theatre here, i would've stayed at home and gone to ECC.
because honestly, i feel like liberal arts isn't even an option.
if i'm just going to be taking my cores...why did i bother coming here in the first place?
why did i waste $16,000 of my parents' money to move away and be unhappy, only to end up taking core classes???

i mean, i like living here, and i like having Brittany and Melanie here...and everyone else for that matter.
But honestly...I'm so homesick. I thought it would get easier but it's only been getting harder to be away from Dan. Knowing that he can't come visit ME....and that I keep running into more and more things that prevent me from coming home on the weekends to see him. I always used to think girls going home like i do were too dependent on their boyfriends....i thought it was stupid. but now? now it's just like "I need to go home. it's not an option". well, i suppose it's not a NEED. but i want to more than anything. which i suppose is better...that it's not a need. That i go home because i want to.

ps, I'm finally connected to Kasling Wi-fi...which makes me really happy and excited haha because i'm finally using my laptop while laying on my bed, free of all cables which formerly tied me to my desk if i wanted to be on the computer. and since i'm really sick a the moment and can't really leave my bed, this wi-fi is a really good thing haha. can you tell i like the word really? I should widen my vocabulary a tad. which i have no time to do because guess what? I'm a theatre major. lol.

Ah well. I'm not like SO unhappy that i'm depressed and on the verge of harming myself or anything...i'm just not happy. and i want to be. or at least...i don't want to doubt my major every other day of my life here. I kind of expected to not want to go to class sometimes, i mean, after all, it is SCHOOL, and college. and we're all allowed those "ugh don't feel like goin to class" days. but when i'm constantly run down, and can't miss more classes, and am finding myself just overall upset and uncomfortable with life...i think it's time for a change of major.

Yep, that's right. I know I've been on an emotional rollercoaster lately...well, ever since I moved into Fredonia. However, I think I'm finally balancing out a bit. I've been more stable, granted, it took what was basically two or three breakdowns to get me to this point. Last week this time I thought I was going crazy, and thought I was on the verge of losing Dan forever. I should've known better than to think I'd ever be able to lose him. If you read this, dan, I know I can say it to your face all I want but here it is in print for all the world to read. I love you so much for standing by my side through such a hard week on both of our ends last week.

I'm lucky enough to have a guy who loves me unconditionally, and who will go a week without seeing me just to hold me in his arms for three hours that weekend. =] I love you. I love you. I love you. I LOVE you. i love YOU.

So it's 2:45 pm on a tuesday on the lovely Fredonia campus. What SHOULD I be doing? My English Diction for Singers homework. What AM I doing? Listening to music, and obviously, writing, from my laptop that's not plugged in and has about 25% battery life left...I should probably take care of that soon. But my power strip is buried because we're not supposed to have them visible when the fire inspectors come in today....And I don't feel like trying to stuff my power cord into it. I turned my computer off for a while to try and save power, but then I needed dictionary.com to help with my diction homework....stupid IPA. I swear it's a torture device invented to drive college students to insanity.
Ok. So it's not THAT bad. But it is pretty confusing.

I want to keep decorating my walls. I have a gajillion pix of people who aren't from academy, or the france trip, or dan, just sitting in a pile with the double stick tape already attached and waiting to be hung up. The question is how do I want to arrange my next masterpiece, and WHERE, since the wall I made the academy mural on already proved to be a bad place to stick pictures/posters.

I wonder if I'm supposed to dress up for today's recital seminar? I know someone said we were supposed to but I definitely knew nothing about this and Shinobu never said we had to. Maybe I'll try to just wear nice jeans and a nice top anyway....instead of showing up in my current outfit of bright blue [NEON BLUE!!! haha melissa and our good old saturday ata classes] sweatpants and a tinkerbell tshirt. I suppose by 4pm I should be dressed for the day. But hey, it worked when I wanted to crawl back into bed at 9, right? In fact, it was quite a comfy napping outfit.


Ok I gave up on the fire rules. Laptop is plugged into the power strip that is currently hiding under the bed in hopes that nobody will see it. But I've also given up on the diction homework for now...after translating half a page of english into IPA...with another half to go. Plus, then I have to write a good copy and separate it into lines of text since our lovely music book doesn't do that for us...obviously. It's flowing sheet music. It's not gonna put half a staff on a line just because the text's phrasing ends there lol. WOW RAISE YOUR HAND IF YOU'RE A MUSIC DORK!! *shoots hand into air*

Idk why I feel like writing so much about nothing really important today. Hehe I'm listening to a song I just got this weekend..."Your Life and Mine" - Just Surrender. It's suddenly a new favorite of mine. I love getting new music. It makes my day. Which is why half the time Sean Doyle thinks I'm taking notes, I'm really jotting down the names of the songs he's just played as a reminder to download them later. Yay iTunes. I want a new iPod too. My 20 gig photo just isn't cutting it anymore. My collection is fast approaching 30 gigs, and I want to be able to put videos on my ipod too since that's how most of our shows are recorded from academy and such....video, not sound. But now there's the NEW iPods....the iPod Touch editions. I got excited because they weren't that much money (well, okay, $400 is a lot, but not for a good video touch ipod) but then I saw that $400 is for a 16 gb, and that's as big as they're making them right now. That was depressing. As I said, I need a bigger one. If I'm gonna start putting videos on, I should just get one of the old 80 gig videos and be done with it. But then when they come out with like 80 gig touch ipods you know I'm gonna wish I'd saved my money and bought one of those. DECISIONS, DECISIONS!!! Whatever is a girl to do?

HMM.

Ok....well, now that I've written 800 words, enough to write my college entrance essay a few times over, I suppose I'll be going.  I'm too frustrated with diction still, but maybe I'll pick up where I left off lastnight with my theory homework and studying for the first exam friday. Maybe by Friday I'll actually understand compound meter. Or...maybe not. Wish me luck.
-peace out, girl scout.

ps. Quote post soon I think. I've been collecting some good ones. And I have some really good ones from the books I read this summer.
<3 Always, Alisonmarie.